EPISODE 9

SHOWNOTES:

Welcome to another episode where I spill the tea on parts of my wild ride & offer you lots of love, support, and insight.

I emphasize the importance of honoring both light and shadow aspects of ourselves, trusting the process of growth, and finding gratitude in life's challenges.

Here's some encouragement for you to lean into discomfort, celebrate your progress, and cultivate resilience on your path toward healing and transformation.

This episode is all about embracing the messy, celebrating the wins, and finding the light in life's darkest moments. Let's dive in!

Trigger warning - discussing shadow & light within self and the universe

TRANSCRIPT:

Hello, my little cheeky bears my little cheeky babies. Hi. All right, so I just got out of a yoga class and oh mg messages were coming through left and right for you, for me from my higher self channeling through for you and myself as well. And I literally just got back, I am sweaty and gross. And I am here to record and just share this with you. I don't know how long this is going to be I have no notes, but I just needed you guys, I just need you guys to know this stuff. 

Okay, and so I'm gonna start off a little story number one, hang in there. I just really need you guys to know this. Okay, if you are going through it, hang in there. And if you aren't anymore,

celebrate how far you've come.

So a little bit of backstory, as I got into this yoga class. Today, in a couple of hours, I'm going to be hosting a retreat with Christian in Joshua Tree. So excited, so much fun, I haven't hosted a retreat in a little while. So it's really exciting. I'm super stoked, also. So I get into this yoga class. And I'm just wanting to send her ground get myself all situated before we go.

And all of the music that started to play were songs that I had listened to when I was about 21 years old. And it was like literally the hardest time of my life.

And it's so funny and so synchronistic because literally just yesterday there was this little Instagram challenge where you like show yourself at 21 years old. And just like find the old picture in your in your camera roll. So I find this old pictures like multiple old pictures and it was like me doing yoga, me drinking out of a 1942 Tequila bottle. And then me with like this skin dermatitis thing and like crying and just not good. You could see it in my eyes, it was just not good. And this time period, I was having so much fun building things. But I was dead inside. I was lost. I was confused. I was you know, I don't want to take away from the fun that I had. But oh am frickin gee, it was like literally the hardest time of my life. 

I just didn't love myself at all. I didn't respect myself, I was so unhealed, I was just in a lot of environments that were just so not good for me. And to make it all worse, I had like just no self belief. So that's kind of when I really started diving deep into yoga and yoga, I would just sit there and I would just cry and cry and cry and not sit there I would do the poses and just cry and cry like tears would be streaming down my face the entire time because it was my only escape. My only space to feel my only space to feel okay for like a fucking hour of my life. And I just started to rebuild the love for myself through hot yoga. And this is like pre doing like deep work or anything but like yoga saved my freakin life. And so it was literally that time period where all of this music was playing these different songs like Alina bras. I think that's how you say it and I was rebuilding my sense of self, I finally realized that I wanted to like do something that would help people in the world. They wanted to like support people in some way. But like, literally, I had no idea how and absolutely no self belief. I never really take the time to look back. But like in that yoga class today.

I just really deeply realized how fucking far I've come how little Bree knew seven years ago, what she deep down wanted, but she didn't believe that it was even possible. So she just waited and pushed it off and and did her best she did her best.

And so this is your sign to just do your best and just know that you are doing your best and to trust and also play the long game because it's like this has been seven years of trial and error and initiation and pain and heartbreak and falling in love and starting new projects and canceling new projects and taking wins and failing and stumbling and moving and going through grief and loss and death and and so many challenges and family dynamics and friendship rebirths and deaths and so many versions of self. So many new awarenesses learnings, teachings, practices modalities healing, expansion, growth and

For so long, I just thought that I needed all of it. And I needed it yesterday. And so I was so down on myself for so long for not having everything that I thought I wanted, which is just literally false anyways.

And so it just continued to create this dissonance in my body and my being. And it never actually attracted me what I wanted. And I still kept feeling depleted and down in loss. And I really needed to find a deep, deep, deep love for who I am and what I'm here to do, and then build the trust in myself. And it's like, I'm literally doing it. But like it took a long time. And so I just want you to hang in there. Like if you're in the middle of like a fucking crazy period, that's like really hard, and really challenging. Trust that you're being cracked open right now. And you can either look at it from

I hate that this is happening to me. And like, that's fine. Sit in your feelings, I want you to feel how you're feeling. That's, that's I'm not asking you to bypass or telling you that at all. But more than that is feel how you're feeling. And then, and then deep down somewhere inside of you believe that. This is wisdom.

When you get on the other side of this, you are so much stronger and so much more amazing and so much more powerful. And what my guides were showing me is like this concept of like, getting out of balance, just to come back to balance. It's the same thing of like separating from source just to become reintegrated. So for example, it's like, okay, let's say you are a workaholic. Okay, at some point, and so you are work overwhelmed. Or doo doo doo doo doo doo doo, and you're just going after it and it's exhausting, and it's draining. And you're so out of balance, and every other aspect of your life, maybe your health is failing, maybe you're struggling to maintain your relationships.

But your business is growing and you're flourishing. And you're you're kicking ass. And everyone's actually looking like looking at you, like you're doing a great job. And deep down, you're dying inside in some way. But you're also really happy because you know what you're, you know what your goals are. And maybe it's even unconscious, or maybe it's even conscious. Either way, it doesn't necessarily matter. The point is that we're out of balance, right? There's magic in being out of balance as well, because it's like, if you swing that pendulum, okay, then you have a breaking point, you're like, oh, mg, I am way over here, I am way away from myself, I am away from away from balance away from my relationships, whatever. So you swing,

you maybe slow down, you maybe tap into your creative flow, you maybe give yourself so much grace, and so much gentleness, and so much tenderness. And you are all in on your relationships and in your life. And it just feels so beautiful, and all the things but then oh,

you can't even get yourself to be disciplined and you have no structure in your life and is actually starting to not be supportive anymore.

And so your pendulum has like literally swung the other way, you are now giving your body the love that it needs and being so gentle with yourself to rebuild yourself and your your nervous system to just be able to relax for a frickin second.

And then you'll hit the point where

that ain't helping you anymore. And you need some more of that masculine strength structure all of that in your life to bring you back home to center.

And slowly but surely, you now become integrated, and you blend the strength and the softness, and they all kind of come together and you find a nice balance. And I don't know, I feel like the people that preach only balance, don't really get it. I mean, that's just my opinion. But hey, that's my personal opinion, at least in this point in my life, it's like, balance is important. And you're like way better at life when you've actually felt to the edge of the extremes on all the spectrums, and then find your way in the middle. Because guess what, for the rest of your life, you're gonna have range, you now know, okay, so if I'm going swinging a little far too much this way, okay, I just need to dial it in over here. Or you can do it on purpose. Let's say you're really balanced, but you want to just do a little sprint to start some new side project some new business, you know, your your, your edges, you know your strength, if you just want to just dial it back up and crank up that that power mode to get a little unbalanced. Maybe the flow isn't as flowy just for a period of time.

Time, so you can get that shit off the ground and get that shit rockin. And you can stretch yourself Stretch, stretch, stretch, stretch, stretch, and every time it's like a muscle, you stretch your muscles, and then they break, right when you're working out, you tear your muscles so that they can be rebuilt, and stronger. And I'm going all over the place with these different metaphors. But I hope that you're kind of grasping this, because

let me know if you're not, or if you are, please let me know. So it's like, we swing one way, and then we calibrate there, and then we kind of come back to center. And it's like, that is literally how you grow in life, in my opinion, is like, you stretch yourself to some new way, no way of being new capacity. And whether it is in the, in the structured in the hustle, or it's in the deep, feminine flow and surrender. And don't, I don't want you to think about it as like masculine and feminine, or like male and female. Like I actually personally don't really like that either. Because I could, like I naturally tend to swing and like the more intensity. But I'm very feminine in terms of like wanting to just like let it be and just flow and like not really playing or anything. But

so I kind of don't really like to use those words, because they make the give me like a bad taste in my mouth. It's like, Oh, if you're in your masculine, then you're being a man or if you're in your feminine, you're only being a woman, but like literally not true at all. So

the strength and the flow are both so important and to be utilized as needed. Like, and so again, like I was saying is once you've played in both extremes, that's where life starts to get to get fun. And I honestly think it's like as above so below, everything is like, is everything. So in the same sense of like, so you can do all kinds of work to build yourself up and you're like, oh my god, I'm literally so amazing. These are all the things that I love about myself. These are all the things that I'm really good at talking to your family and friends and hearing what they really believe about you to really learn to like love yourself more, giving yourself positive affirmations, all those things are really building you up to the light, right you see how amazing you are and how beautiful and stunning you are right all things.

And

that is great. But that can like inflate your sense of, of self belief. In we love that. And it's equally as important to go all the way down into the darkest deepest of your shadows, the darkest, deepest parts, the parts of you don't think are lovable. The parts of you that don't believe you can do it. The parts of you that literally feel like worthless or incapable or unworthy or unlovable or insert the thing that makes you feel awful, that you want to deny about yourself that you want to not admit is there that you skirt around day after day after day, while you tell yourself all these positive affirmations

it's equally as important to go into that darkness because now you have range. When you know all of your weaknesses and you can alchemize those you actually start to learn to heal them and you give yourself all of the love that it needed. And you can go into the quantum you can literally change your freakin timelines

turning tilling that I feel like they're showing me like

I don't even know anything about farming, but it's like soil and like You're like tilling the soil. I don't even know what that word means. So hopefully that makes any sense, I don't know. But it's just, it's the transforming whatever that darkness that sadness, that depth of pain, or of disbelief in yourself and turning it into something else, transforming it, and being able to use it to make your life even lighter, and brighter and more magical.

And by going down into that darkness, and transmuting, all of that. Let's say you have another time period where you go back in there and you feel dark and you feel down and you feel sad, and you feel all those things again, well guess what, you've already looked down there with a flashlight. And you already know you can find your way out.

So anytime things get challenging, and things get hard and things gets area and you hit a new edge, a new deep fear that you didn't ever have to come up against before because you're now in a new level of expansion in your life. You already have more safety in the darkness, meaning you can go in there with the lens of love so much easier. The challenging, things aren't as challenging, and you can hold more light because you have more capacity to receive to hold to carry.

And as you release shit that doesn't belong in you anymore as you can just go into there without feeling without holding all this tension about what it means. You actually have more light in your body, you actually can expand even bigger than you even thought before. If you're in a space where you

You need to forgive somebody, but you can't. Or if you still don't understand how that person screwed you over and you know, you just literally hate that you hate them. Or insert the thing here, okay? You can't understand how somebody could ever do that to you. You couldn't understand it, it just like doesn't make any sense. And it fucking hurts. And oh, and it hurts me, I get like angry before I get sad. So some people just goes direct to crying. But whatever that is for you. Feel it, completely feel it. And then give yourself the grace to play the long game to realize that in seven fucking years, hopefully sooner, but it comes in waves. It's a process. It literally is a Process Time heals everything, but also you heal everything. As you evolve and change over time, things shift and change for you.

Without those, that separation without that pain, without that depth of feeling of challenge, you would not like, okay, they're showing me that you literally have to lose yourself, you literally have to go into the deepest pain to remember who you are. And like this is intuitive. We know this, but you might need to know this. Again, this might be a reminder, okay? It's like, without all of the pain, you won't even know how sweet sweet feels, I'm sorry, sorry, that was literally loud. Without all of the pain, you wouldn't get to appreciate and feel how amazing that the good feels. Without having that person fuck you over in a way, you wouldn't be able to find the peace in yourself, you wouldn't. Like, honestly, I believe that the people that hurt us most in this lifetime, or we have the most friction with or the most challenge with

our people or souls that we like.

We contracted this with that person.

Their soul said, I love you so much. And I want to be here for you so much, that I am going to be the volunteer volunteering as tribute to break you down. Just so you can find yourself and be who you're meant to be in this lifetime. And when you start to look at your problems, and your pains, and your heartbreak, and your business partnership, breakups and your family through that lens, through a lens of love and appreciation, like thank you for showing me who I am, thank you for giving me the opportunity to find myself again, thank you for giving me the opportunity to find real deep, Unshakable Confidence. Thank you for showing me that I am actually a healer, thank you for showing me that I'm actually here to be fucking amazing. And I actually didn't even realize how incredible that I deep down AM. If it wasn't for you, so thank you. And

I just got chills

when you can be in a place where you are so grateful for all of the pain in your life. It doesn't make it okay, it doesn't mean that, that that was like a good good thing at the time. You were in a lot of pain.

But you're responsible for healing it. And you're responsible for the way that you look at it. As you get older and you grow up and it's literally up to you, you can be bitter about it for the rest of your life. And you can let that take up space in your beautiful, lovely energetic fields that you have. Or you can change your perspective and look at it from a new lens. And then it just frees up all this density, all of a sudden, your life will just start to get better because you have more energetic space, you're not weighed down with resentment with guilt, with shame, with fear with anger with resentment or dissent, resentment. Resentment is a big one, for a lot of us so. So give yourself the grace. Go look into the times of your life where you were broken. And I know I'm a lot of love and light. And I also am equal parts shadow worker. And I think that's why that's that's like literally my mission is like you guys, you want to be all the light, you want to be all the love, you literally are all the light all the love.

And the first step to like really actually being a whole embodied version of that is by going into the dark

and not being afraid, because without the dark,

we wouldn't be able to find ourselves. I always like to look at this as an analogy. For example, every single innovative product that we have in the world these days is a result of a problem. So in the market, there was a pain point somebody was in pain and as a result of the pain they create

have a solution

that was better than anything that there was available before that. So little everyday example with no emotions, that really shows you how important and powerful that destruction, the darkness, the pain, the challenges are because they breed innovation, and they bring you, they just make you better. And a long time ago, I was listening to this Mateus de Stefano podcast. And this could be triggering for some people. So here we go. It wasn't planning to go here, but it's meant to be so okay. I grew up in the church, I grew up very Christian religious, going to Bible study, going to church and going to church camp.

And so any this this concept of like, Lucifer, I literally like I'm sorry, if it's triggering, but I really highly encourage you to just just listen really quick, okay. And I'm, again, not like an expert on any of this. But it changed my perspective, because he was explaining that

a Lucifer was essentially this fallen angel, if you will, right, that's like this, the way that was meant to be it, it was, he was almost as good as God or something I don't even know, like, literally don't know. But what I do know is this is that he was very powerful. He it this energy, this frequency was very powerful. And this frequency was very curious. Okay. And so when you think about this, this is his analogy, and I might mess it up a little bit, but I'm just gonna share it the way that I remember it. So imagine that everything is beautiful, and loving and light and just magical, okay? And they're the architects of reality, are building, they're building a house. Okay. And so they're building this house, and it's one big humongous room. And so, as they are, you know, as the reality is expanding, and multiplying and growing and shifting, there's way more things that need a place to live inside of this house. Right. And so it's kind of like getting a little bit packed.

There's, there's a lot going on inside of this one room. So we have Mr. Lucifer, Mr. Darkness, he comes in, this frequency comes in, and he breaks down the wall. And everyone is like, what are you doing? You just destroyed the house. And he goes, you guys, we're adding on to the house. I'm building multiple rooms, so that we have more space for the creations that are here to live. So that it's more comfortable actually, for us. So that we actually get to expand in a comfortable, safe way. So hang on, I know that this sucks that we have construction going on and I just literally broke down a wall. But can you guys just trust that I'm actually doing this for for a higher good for a higher purpose. And, you know, he may not know his he's just you know, he's here to do the destruction part. Okay, so that we can rebuild.

He it it's literally just an energy. I don't want to like put names to it again. It's just a way of understanding or making your brain help your brain understand it in general.

And so again, it's that same freakin thing.

Destruction, to be reborn, like a phoenix rising out of the ashes.

Contraction before expansion, the darkest before the dawn.

Life throws things at you before it gets even better.

Because when you're able to transmute the darkness, you can hold more light.

You see what I'm saying? Now, it's pretty freakin cool. I hope you're seeing what I'm saying.

So

good morning. Good afternoon. Good evening. whatever time it is for you right now. I'm gonna leave you with that a short episode.

But I love you so much. And let me know what you think of this episode. Please also send this to a friend if you think that they could use this

because I know somebody needs this today and whether it's you you and or a loved one you and or your Instagram story followers anyone

share this with somebody today?

Because it really changed

my life. And I hope to change at least one more person's as well.

I'll see you in the next episode. Bye